You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
