who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
