just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
