from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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