I'm really into asian looking animals
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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