yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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