I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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