im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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