Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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