I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
