Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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