Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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