Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
