worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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