there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
This is my life. Enjoy the view
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
