I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
