If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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