I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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