One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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