oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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