Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
