I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
