I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
