last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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