That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
