At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
