I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
