If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize