Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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