I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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