hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
