I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
