Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
