I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
a search helicopter?!
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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