I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
