I feel like I'm in dance class right now
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
