Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
