when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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