Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
