i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
