I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
