Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
you never un-have a 4some
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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