So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
