I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
