Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
