Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
