a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I need water and some morals
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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