I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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