Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
