im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
