Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
