WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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